NASA: First mass shooting on moon to happen by 2040

NASA/NRA Joint Statement:”Lunar Massacre” should be a good one

HAMPTON, VA — In a joint statement this afternoon with the NRA, NASA’s Langley Research Center in Virginia has announced that the first mass shooting on the moon will take place by 2040 “at the latest”. For decades, NASA’s efforts to achieve moon colonization have been negligible, but today’s statement is seen by many as a great step forward for the agency.

The statement outlines a several point plan crafted by the two organizations to ensure the “adequate social climate for a shooting on the moon of a semi large to large size to happen”. The methods of achieving such a climate are ones that will be gradual, but will “most definitely be the quickest and most effective ways we can think of to pull it off”, according to the press release from today. Along with the guns already being provided to those chosen to live NASA’s upcoming colony on the moon, the NRA is working with the government agency to conduct background checks to, “ensure those going to the moon and getting guns are definitely mentally ill and primed to ‘do it’, if you know what we mean,” according to representatives from both organizations

Kent Moore, President of the NRA Civil Rights In Space Defence Fund, a subsidiary of the NRA, exclaimed after the announcement that he is, “relieved that Americans get to maintain such a fundamental part of the American dream, even on the moon. Why would we allow for a generation to grow up without that vital aspect of daily life?”

The impact of this pledge is resonating with many Americans who have felt wary of space colonization because of the possibility of restricted rights on those colonies. “In America,” Lamar Neilson of the Lunar Rights Foundation told us, “the odds of dying in a mass shooting are unparalleled anywhere else in the world. It’s just part of being an American.” He continued, saying, “Americans on Earth shouldn’t be treated differently from their lunar counterparts. At the Lunar Rights Foundation, we refuse to stay silent on this and we’ll fight for Americans on the moon to live in the same fear of a random mass slaughter Americans on Earth experience.”

Dawn Willson, strong critic of the statement and former member of her local elementary school’s PTO, has come out calling it “a disgusting outrage” shortly after its release. On her private blog she, and many like her, declared her rage stating that, “This nonsense press release falls way too short of what I wanted. Are you guys kidding me with this? 2040? It’s flooring that we’re going to be waiting that long for something that I think is just common sense. My kids are expecting mass shootings. I’ve gotten them prepared. I’ve put fear in them. And now we’re going to be sitting around for more than 20 years?”

She and others have pointed out, rightfully so, that we must be thinking of the children throughout all of this. As Americans, we at APR News agree that we need to strive as a society to make sure this central tenet of American life isn’t sacrificed on any future space endeavors. We left our flag on the moon as a mark that America has a presence there. We need to go back and leave a mark of our culture.

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