Report: ‘Syrian Refugees’ are actually humans

MINNEAPOLIS, MN — The Refugee Crisis has been an issue since the beginning of the Syrian Civil War around 2011, but it hasn’t always been that big of a deal as the common belief was that the refugees were less than human so it was all okay. But according to a report by UNICEF, it turns out the Syrian refugees are actually people who are the same as us.

The report clarifies that there are obvious differences between us and the refugees such as language and some cultural differences, but if you over look those, as the report recommends, they look like real people with real emotions.

This groundbreaking report is a massive departure from what was previously believed to be fact. This also may lead to some calls for policy changes which, as is standard, will be swiftly shut down in favor of more pressing issues like getting rid of the EPA.

Just outside of our Minneapolis headquarters, we stopped passersby and asked them what they thought about the UNICEF report.

“Huh…I guess I never really thought about it that way,” said Heather Smith, a middle-aged, stay-at-home mom, whose response echoes many of the others we received about the report. Made clear by our informal survey, the American public is content with believing the refugees are not actually real humans, but passively so. Nobody has really thought complexly about it. APR’s Chief Psychology Analyst, Victor Booth, says that the reason for this is very simple.

“When all you hear and see is that they’re scum, burdens, foreign looking, what are you supposed to think?” He told us over the phone. “You’d be a fool for just assuming they’re people just on a limb like that. I personally don’t blame the American public.”

Even if we knew the refugees were people from the beginning, “it was probably better for our mental well being to just deny that idea.”

The idea that real people with real feelings are suffering so much is taxing for our minds to think about. The mental faculties required to take that in are too valuable to spend on a situation if you aren’t sure if those suffering are actually human beings. Given this new information, ignoring the Syrian refugee crisis has become slightly more depressing for those of us who’d rather not think about it.

With that said, Booth also tells us that even with this new information, we can still convince ourselves that the refugees are sub-human – thus making ignoring them much easier. Surely, that elegant solution is much more appealing and achievable than any alternatives people are suggesting, so we at APR recommend you do just that.

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