Report: “Syrian Refugees” are actually humans

Refugees just as human as us? UNICEF says yes

MINNEAPOLIS, MN — The Refugee Crisis has been an issue since about 2011 since the beginning of the Syrian Civil War, but it hasn’t always been that big of a deal because the common belief was that the refugees were less than human so it was all okay. But according to a report by UNICEF, it turns out the Syrian refugees are actually people who are the same as us.

The report clarifies that there are obvious differences between us and the refugees like language and some cultural differences, but if you over look those, as the report recommends, they look like real people with real emotions.

This groundbreaking report is a massive departure from what was previously believed to be fact; This also may lead to some calls for policy changes which, as is standard, will be swiftly shut down in favor of more pressing issues like getting rid of the EPA.

Just outside of our Minneapolis headquarters, we stopped passersby and asked them what they thought about the UNICEF report.

Heather Smith, a middle-aged stay-at-home mom, only responded with, “Huh… I guess I never really thought about it that way,” when asked about what she thought about it. Her response echoed many of the other responses we received about the report. Made clear by our informal survey, the American public was content with believing the refugees are not actually real humans, but passively so. Nobody really thought complexly about it.

APR’s Chief Psychology Analyst, Victor Booth, says that the reason for this is very simple. “Well, y’know,” he told us over the phone, “when all you hear and see is that they’re scum, burdens, foreign looking, what are you supposed to think? You’d be a fool for just assuming they’re people just on a limb like that. I personally don’t blame the American public.” He went on to say that even if we knew the refugees were people from the beginning, “it was probably better for our mental well being to just deny that idea.”

The idea that people – real people who have real feelings – are suffering so much is taxing for our minds to think about. The mental faculties required to take that in are too valuable to spend on a situation if you aren’t sure if those suffering are actually human beings. With this new set of information, ignoring the Syrian refugee crisis has become slightly more depressing for those of us who’d rather not think about it. With that said though, Booth also tells us that even with this new information, we can still convince ourselves that the refugees are sub-human – thus making ignoring them much easier. Surly, that elegant solution of just ignoring them anyway is much more appealing and achievable than any alternatives people are suggesting, so we at APR recommend you just continue ignoring them.

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