Want to kill yourself but are scared of death? New startup ‘Cryocide’ has the answer!

SAN FRANCISCO, CA — A Silicon Valley startup has a solution for those of us contemplating suicide, but also are scared of death. According to the W.H.O., the one thing stopping most from suicide is the fear of death. In a 2015 study, the agency reported that 13% of those who have suicidal thoughts stop short specifically due to this phobia.

Cryocide founder, Florence Walters (center in photo), told us today that he saw a gap in the market and wanted to address it. “When I saw those stats, I was shocked. 13% of people are holding back from something that they want to do.”

The company was started just over a year ago with the aim to let people kill themselves without having to face their fear of death. The startup uses cutting edge cryonic technology to allow their customers to do that.

“The process is a very simple one,” Walters told us in a sit down interview at the company’s San Francisco headquarters. “It’s just two steps. First, we give our customers a wide selection of methods to commit suicide and they do it— in the company of doctors of course. Then, our trained team cryogenically freezes the person and stores them in the hopes that future technology can bring them back when all of their troubles on earth are either dead or irrelevant in the time that they’re woken up.”

APR’s Suicide Correspondent, Albert Gordon, tells us that customers will be getting the best of both worlds with this revolutionary service. “Forever we’ve been told that suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem, but in the modern age it doesn’t have to be that way. Cryocide allows many people to have the satisfaction of the sweet embrace of death while not actually dying.”

The technology behind the so-called “neo-cide” service is staggeringly complex and a closely guarded secret. And while all can agree that the technology is quite the feat, some have reservations about the service.

APR spoke to Linda Jackson, a strong critic of Cryocide. She believes that traditional suicide is “nothing but tarnished” by services like this. She explains, “I just want to go back to a time when you could kill yourself in dignity. If I’m going to do it, I want to do it for real, just as God told us expressly not to do in the Bible. Why would anyone in their right mind kill themselves, come back to life in the far future, and then do it again for real down the line? Honestly, just a waste of money.”

Other critics question whether a medical fix for blown out brains will ever be found. Gordon posed this to Walters, who answered immediately by saying, “There have been so many other things that these ‘doctors’ have said would be impossible but look where we are right now; all kinds of things can be fixed now. We’re giving the customer options and we believe, regardless of the choice, future medical professionals will be able to fix it.”

Even with criticism, Cryocide has opened up their doors to customers. Pricing starts at $850,000.

4 Comments

  1. That is the most insane thing I’ve ever read. Can’t believe it’s a thing that someone is making money off of

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Share with friends to spread the word!

      Like

  2. What an amazing idea! Why has no one thought of this before? Sign me up!!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Indeed this will be looked on as one of the greatest advancements in human history

      Like

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