MELBOURNE, FL — During a rally in the same vein as a campaign style rally today —because presidents usually continue campaigning until around their sixth month of presidency— President Trump, after adjusting his microphone, repeatedly yelled at his crowd to “Look at what’s happening,” but forgot to say exactly what to look at. Confusion spread in the masses, as they all wanted to follow directions, but didn’t know what to do.
This crowd, containing several million people according to Sean Spicer in a frantic email we just received, isn’t the first to be confused by the order to look at things that are going on. During a campaign speech several months ago, then-Republican nominee Trump had to be cut short from screaming the order to supporters in Kansas after several had panic attacks due to the confusion.
According to our Chief Anxiety Correspondent May Spencer, panic attacks and other anxiety at Trump rallies have been uncommon, but “they spike up when he says things like this.”
“I usually just cover my ears when I can tell he’s gearing up to start telling me where to be looking,” says Spencer, who’s been an expert in anxiety for her whole life. “If he does say where I should be looking, I do and then I’m terrified of what I see. If I don’t know where I’m supposed to be looking, I’m not doing my civic duty because I’m disobeying our leader.”
She said all this while crying in the fetal position. After letting her cry it out for a while, she told us that she, like many other supporters, are scared to disappoint President Trump and just want to please him.
A Trump aide told us over phone interview that this issue is one that they’re looking into: “Trump just wants to make sure his supporters are on their toes and are looking out for things. We have the most knowledgeable base of support and they’re aware of all of these events.”
“So many bad things happening if you just look around; honestly, I encourage you to just look around and see what’s going on out there,” the aide told Spencer, who had to be airlifted to her hiding spot underneath her bed at home.
The speech carried on through the several panic attacks and seizures in the crowd.