BREAKING: APR’s 2017 Oscar party interrupted by rift in time and space

MINNEAPOLIS, MN — Happening now as this is being written, our live broadcast of the Oscars was cut short after a hole in the space-time continuum opened up in the office. The meeting room, where the hole is, was the location of an alleged debate between two APR employees who were arguing over the merits of covering the Oscars. An eyewitness says that the hole opening was preceded by Satan, a frequent APR contributor, getting upset at the argument and storming into the room.

We reached out to Satan and he only said, “There’s always merit in covering the entertainment industry.” We honestly aren’t quite sure why Satan had to tear the fabric of the universe open to make a point, but now that it has killed 6 employees already, upper management is asking APR to halt any live broadcasting. We apologize for any inconvenience. Honestly though, it’s the Oscars. You’re not missing much. Just watch last year’s show and replace some of the white ones with black ones.

This story will be updated as developments develop

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