UPDATED LIVE: Trump’s First State Of The Union

Edit: This post is no longer live

UPDATED LIVE EVERY FEW MINUTES! REFRESH PAGE FOR NEWEST UPDATES!

President Trump delivers his first State Of The Union tonight with several controversies looming over head and to a very divided Congress.

(All times are in Central Standard Time) 

7:47pm: Trump leaves White House, has driver go back for his phone

7:49pm: Trump headed to capitol after grabbing his phone and a quick snack

7:52pm: Trump asks driver for last minute tips

7:54pm: Trump arrives at Capitol

7:55pm: Source: Justice Ginsburg not attending, has “other shit to do”

7:59pm: First Lady begrudgingly enters

8:00pm: Trump Cabinet enters

8:01pm: Secretary of Agriculture is designated survivor, in case the “””””unimaginable””””” happens

8:04pm: Trump enters, looking like a “snacc” according to one of our interns

8:10pm: Paul Ryan pretends introducing President Trump is an honor

8:11pm: Trump gets standing ovation for completing a thought for the first time in his presidency

8:12pm-8:17pm: Clapping

8:18pm: “Seek out common ground and give me money for the wall”

8:19pm: Mike Pence tries to not laugh as Trump says the state of our Union is strong

8:20pm: Source: Democrats can’t clap tonight, all have broken hands and wrists

8:21pm: Opamacare lol

8:25pm: Cory to be “in the house” soon

8:27pm: APR will be using its tax cut to buy a coffee machine that actually works for the office

8:30pm: Breaking: America has one flag

8:31pm: Dems take break from their games of Tiny Wings to clap for that flag kid

8:34pm: Trump tries hard to not look into the teleprompter that would force him to look at Democrats

8:37pm: Trump promises to push back job loss to robots by “at least a few months or something. I dunno, man”

8:40pm: You can tell when Pence wrote the part of the speech we’re at because he’ll nod at it extra hard

8:44pm: Trump talks about building things, teases supporters by not saying “wall” yet

8:46pm: Sanders looks pissed af

8:48pm: Trump says “paid family leave”, points to Democrats

8:49pm: Trump brings up the border, Dems groan; Not at anything he’s saying, but because they’re losing at Tiny Wings

8:54pm: Report: There are more than 13 people in MS13. We thought they named it that because that’s how many people there were. Interesting.

8:57pm: Office intern Ashley says, “haha, the bar for immigration is so high I don’t know if my worthless ass would be able to get in if I was an immigrant”

9:03pm: Trump stopped at four pillars as to not draw any comparisons with Islam

9:05pm: God definitely didn’t say anything to this guy… right…? I mean cool dude and all but like… c’mon.

9:08pm: “Fully fund the military so it’s bigger than the next nine combined, not only the next seven combined as it is now”

9:11pm: Never Forget

9:12pm-9:13pm: Clapping

9:14pm: Trump plays Captain Hindsight for a bit

9:18pm: The US just made a whole lot more enemies

9:19pm: “And you get sanctions, and you get sanctions, and you get sanctions!”

9:23pm: North Korean defector stole beautiful clean coal to trade for food or something and now has a radio show. Sorry, we lost focus over here at APR. We’re playing Tiny Wings

9:27pm: Trump retells American history, forgets Native Americans

9:28pm: USA chant… for some reason…?

9:30pm: Trump ends speech, Dems storm out

 

3 Comments

  1. I didn’t watch this, but I’m glad I got a good recap 😂😂😂😂
    HILARIOUS

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Much better than the actual speech. Too much rambling like a 9 year old reading in front of the class.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Our Live Posts provide readers with a condensed version of the night’s events; We’re glad you enjoyed!

      Like

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