Kim Jong Un believes Yoplait with granola is “worth the extra $3,” defector says

SEOUL, SOUTH KOREA – A high level North Korean defector, Jun Yi, spoke out yesterday at the UN describing previously unknown facets of Kim’s personal life, such as his affinity for Yoplait with granola and many more disturbing details.

Yi, age 46, a party leader, first tried to defect from North Korea in 2009 under the guise of “making a quick run to Target,” but was told to “come up with a better one, we just went shopping.”

Years later, Yi and his family found their lucky break when Kim was low on groceries and they made their escape.

When they made it to South Korea, they “just kinda stayed” and are now telling their stories of what it’s like living in the repressive nation of North Korea and, more specifically, what the leader is like personally.

“Even as a high-ranking official, the meals we got were never of any good quality. We were often forced to eat garbage like Chef Boyardee just to survive,” Yi said when describing the struggle he and his family faced during their time in North Korea. “Kim always had his food imported, though, so he always ate the good stuff.”

According to Yi, The Supreme Leader of the country would splurge on many luxuries, specifically citing Yoplait with granola. The $3.98 price tag didn’t deter Kim from getting his fix; he had even been heard to exclaim when pressed that it’s “worth the extra $3.”

Such gross inequality is standard in North Korea. While the poorest of the poor have to make due with eating Kraft Singles with mayo, the North Korean dictator lives in such luxury that a cup of silky, smooth, decadent Yoplait yogurt topped with the beautiful crunch of delicious granola is almost passé.

The inequality problem runs so deep in North Korean culture that it’s unknown whether or not the citizens of the country even are aware of such luxuries. During Yi’s time as a party leader, he ran the many slave camps in the country, and noted to us that the political prisoners and people imprisoned for what their grandparents did “have it easy because they didn’t even know what they were missing. To be honest, I wish I could be eating cabbage or whatever it is they eat and just be blissfully unaware of what I could be eating. I mean, we’re talking Yoplait with granola here,” he told us, almost shouting that last part.

We didn’t reach out to Yoplait for comment, but you can imagine that it would be something along the lines of how good their product is and that they don’t condone slavery or something like that.

One Comment

  1. We’re talking yoplait and granola here 😂

    Liked by 1 person

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