CHARLESTON, WV — Several hundred children as young as five years old were caught in a basement holding a rally this morning, the goal of which was to gather support and money to push their anti-school agenda.
The children were caught by the owner of the home, Randy Samson, who thought his child was just “having a few friends over to watch some movies.”
“You always want your children to be politically active. It’s just disappointing when they they have the wrong opinions, you know? I’m just honestly shocked he found so many people. I dunno. I guess that’s a sign of something.”
Randy’s son, Jimmy, the self-proclaimed leader of this movement, told us today he takes the strong stance that “school is drool.” He and his classmates cheered the motto, some even wearing it on matching shirts.
“I made the shirts myself, do you like them? We ran out but I can make you one if you want one. Just go tell Caiden your shirt size!”
Their teachers were shocked to hear of this news. We spoke to an art teacher, Catherine Jones, to get her thoughts:
“It’s not even the multi-million dollar campaign that they’ve got going against us —although that is super impressive— I’m just upset that they can do this at all. Like, is this even legal?”
According to our Chief Illegal Analyst Don Marco, the kids are in the clear.
“Yeah, looks like they’re good.”
The group of children, aroung 600 strong, have raised over $6 billion and distributed the funds to campaigns of many politicians to protract the strike.