We gave weed ‘for the first time’ to Baby Boomers who pretend they didn’t smoke in the 60s. Here’s what they think.

For 4/20, APR dug through Facebook to find local Baby Boomers who could come to our office and pretend they hadn’t had weed in their teens and 20s as to appear morally superior so we could get their thoughts on their ‘first time’ using the recreational drug. David (63) — “I get it. I get the happy feeling and what not, but why does it have to be legalized? I’m smiling and I’m having fun, but since when is that a right? I’m sorry, I’m just uncomfortable with all of this.” David got out of his chair, curled up in…

LGBT Voices: Meet the gay couple that’s taking their transgender child to conversion therapy

MINNEAPOLIS, MN — A local gay couple, Jerry and Francis Jameson, has decided that they will be taking their transgender child, aged 16, to conversion therapy. This is in order to repair what they told us is the “degenerative brain dysfunction of transgenderism.” Their child, who asked remain unnamed but his name is Thomas, is going through a phase where he believes that he was born in the wrong body and would like to someday go through surgery to correct for this.  For now, he dresses in such a way as to appear female and acts as a woman as well, like…

Top 5 things that could have happened if abortion was illegal

The negative impact of abortion on society is immeasurable and very real. The butterfly effect tells us that a single event, such as the murder of a child in this case, can throw the universe out of balance and change the course of humanity in unpredictable ways. That’s why we’ve rounded up the top five things that could have happened, or been solved by now if abortion was illegal. 5.) An end to racism Let’s imagine a world where there is no racism. That very easily could have been the world we’d be living in right now. But because of…

Construction company to start hiring exclusively women to save 23% on wages

GILBERT, AZ — An Arizona construction company, J.H. Wilson Labor, has announced today that they will be laying off all of their male employees (some pictured above) and replacing them with women to “kill two birds with one stone,” according to their CEO and Founder John Wilson. “We’re doing it for two reasons specifically. First is to save money, and second is to bump up diversity numbers. Both are important and we can do both by getting rid of all men in our workforce and replacing them with women. I mean, shit. We do illegal stuff to save a few…

Small-town school district to start ‘pet gun’ program to teach kids how to care for a handgun

MOORESVILLE, AL — The Mooresville School District announced today that they will be introducing a program in its elementary and middle schools where students will have the opportunity to get to take home the “class gun.” District Superintendent Carolyn Gilden said that after the Parkland school shooting this Valentine’s Day, she does not believe the real issues that caused the shooting are the usual suspects in these debates, but that our country has yet to normalize guns, making the gun a wonder that makes kids —and later in life, adults— nervous. So this small town in Alabama is working to…

Man confused if he should actually care about gun control or pretend like he does until everyone else forgets about it

MIAMI, FL — Anthony Myers, 48, (pictured above) was sitting in his Miami home earlier this morning when he was confronted with several social media posts all urging for action to be taken following the tragedy in Parkland this Wednesday, and he asked himself a question many of us all ask after each of these tragedies. “I dunno. It’s just, I’m getting to be an old guy and I don’t really have all of that energy I used to. Nothing is gonna happen with this gun business, so why should I even care?” Myers, a lifelong Democrat, says that when…