Saudi Arabia, as many of you might believe, is a “backward” nation riddled with corruption and medieval values. It’s quite the contrary. I would like to assert that Saudi Arabia is actually way more progressive and forward thinking than all of the western propaganda you consume would like for you to believe. Here are my reasons why Saudi Arabia isn’t as bad as you think it is.

Royal Family

The first important thing to note to mention is that they have a royal family! Not everyone knows that, but it’s true! Who doesn’t love a monarchy that that can’t be challenged and has insane power that no other entity has the ability to check?? The west loves to point at this as a “bad” thing, but they really have no ammo when arguing their point. I mean, look at it! They have a king!

Religion

If you want an example of what a good state-sponsored religion is, look no further. Wahhabi Islam is simply the greatest thing that has happened to Islam. You thought Islam was cool before? Try out the literal, extremely conservative interpretation of the faith called Wahhabi Islam! The coolest part is that Wahhabism can kinda say whatever it wants and it will be protected and fought for tooth and nail by liberals who will call any extreme decree okay in their cultural context and just misunderstood by the west.

Women

Saudi Arabia is a bastion of women’s rights and honestly, that goes without saying. First and foremost, we need to talk about women covering up. It is a FACT that in Saudi Arabia, women have a CHOICE to either be covered from head to toe anytime they’re out OR be punished for it brutally whether socially or legally. Wow! That kind of freedom to choose is just not there in western countries.

Morality

Morality and Saudi Arabia go hand in hand. You’ll likely be pleased to hear, in fact, that Saudi Arabia is so great with this that they’re on the Human Rights Council for the UN! You don’t just talk your way into that! Or provide the world with such a large amount of oil that everyone will just kinda ignore any human rights violations you commit as to not disturb the flow of oil. That’s just unheard of! Not much else even needs to be said quite frankly! I’ll formulate arguments the second the world sees Saudi Arabia as a morally corrupt nation, but now everyone seems to agree they’re just fine!

Conclusion

Now, while I haven’t been to Saudi Arabia and don’t plan on it, I’m thinking it’s a pretty cool place! We should try being less tough on it in the west and understand that they’re not a “worse” society because of “massive limitations on basic human rights”. They’re in fact a way cooler place than anywhere in the west!

Earth Day is today, apparently, and I’m honestly getting sick of this nonsense. The only reason why Earth Day is still even a thing in 2018 is because we need a Hallmark holiday to remind ourselves to not be complete pieces of shit about our Earth.

So, y’know what? I’m done pandering. From now on, environmentalism is ONLY big action. Environmentalism is ONLY drastic change. We are NOT saving the world by putting our paper and glass in different colored bins. How we will change things is by doing something big.

I want everyone who is reading this to go outside, flip their car, and burn it. Right now. Dispose of your filthy vehicle. And DO NOT just “sell it.” That thought process is problematic as hell. Would you “just sell” a barrel of radioactive material? No. You’d flip that shit in your driveway and burn it to make sure it’s gone for good.

The whole idea of buying and selling cars makes me feel dirty. I mean, who actually does that?! It’s so perverse and slimy but we all just do it so casually. Would you buy and sell a human? It’s basically the same thing. Except it’s worse because cars are actively destroying the Earth, killing our children, and prolonging wars in the Middle East.

I’m not saying anything too wild here. I need every car in the United States DESTROYED by midnight. And don’t think simply pushing it off a bridge will do. That shit will be salvaged and sold off to third world countries where they know less and they’ll hurt the environment even more. Total it. Starting April 23, NOBODY should have a car. That is how change is made. All at once.

If I see even one car on the highway tomorrow while I’m on my commute to work (Sorry but I CANNOT destroy my car as it’s the only mode of transportation and I’m actually going through a hard time right and need this job, but I am pledging to recycle starting next week to do my part!), I’m going to scream. I literally can’t handle all of you fakes.

 

For 4/20, APR dug through Facebook to find local Baby Boomers who could come to our office and pretend they hadn’t had weed in their teens and 20s as to appear morally superior so we could get their thoughts on their ‘first time’ using the recreational drug.

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David (63) — “I get it. I get the happy feeling and what not, but why does it have to be legalized? I’m smiling and I’m having fun, but since when is that a right? I’m sorry, I’m just uncomfortable with all of this.”

David got out of his chair, curled up in the corner, and started crying; According to him, he’s been in a bad spot mentally since ’82 when his favorite band, The Jam, broke up.

 

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Richard (72) — “So, computers. Right? That iPhone on the table? If you think about it, that’s all of the paper in the world in your pocket. Isn’t that something?”

 

For retirees, by retirees

Linda (72)  — “The only other time I had this it was more of a tingling feeling in my body, but this time it’s a feeling in my head. Now, why is that, Michael? I mean, um. Excuse me. Can that be off the record please?”

Michael (75) —Michael was asked how he felt, but he just fell asleep shortly after smoking.

 

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Patricia (71) — “Ahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahaha!”

 

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Richard, again (72) — “Because if you think about it, what is your phone even? It’s just papers. And that’s what I’m trying to say. That’s all I’m saying.”

 

Daylight Savings Time is coming this weekend, so we are reminding all readers to be sure their clocks go forward one hour, but also to keep in mind that this is the perfect time to catch Donald Trump off guard.

We have to always be resisting the Trump administration and that means using systems we have in place to impede him from setting forth his disgusting agenda on America.

What if this Daylight Savings Time, we all came together and used the system to our advantage? It’ll be easy. Sunday at 2am, as usual, set the clock forward an hour to 3am. But also change the date to Nov. 3, 2020. The GOP won’t know what hit them.

Admittedly, we will be missing out on the #BlueMidterm2018, but that’s a price we must pay if we want Trump out as soon as possible.

Daylight Savings Time was started, as many may know, as a way to punish slaves, making them work outside in as many daylight hours as possible. The blacks, after being freed, reclaimed it and embraced it, using it as a way to hold events later in the day such as cookouts and marches. Whites during the industrial revolution appropriated it though and since then it’s been a staple of American life in most states.

It’s a disgusting practice. But let’s make it right.

This year, let’s make Daylight Savings Time work for the people it has hurt historically and against the man oppressing them. All in one motion!

It’s a huge circle jerk. What else did you expect?

Has this shit ever been any different year to year? Really think about this. You could have just as easily watched the “red carpet” bullshit and ceremony from any other year —or you could have even mixed together two different ones— and there would be no difference in your enjoyment.

Take a second to reflect on why you wanted so badly to see a recap of The Oscars that you clicked on this article. Has such loneliness and depression led your life to a point where you waste your time watching millionaires parade around pretending to care about you, social causes, or anything besides their money?

Do you genuinely believe the movie industry cares about you? Like what the hell was all of that Black Panther shit? If you’re dumb enough to think that this movie, a bland, uneventful, uninspired cash-grab, was anything more than a bunch of old white guys jerking each other off with the money they knew they’d make shoveling shit out to black audiences, there’s no help for you. I mean, do you seriously believe that anything meaningful was done there? Are you really telling yourself that they did this to benefit you or your culture or your race?

Give me a break.

And why the hell is Jimmy Kimmel hosting it? I get enough washed up, irrelevant late night shit all over my YouTube. I don’t need his goofy, nasally ass on my TV any longer than the time it takes to skip over whatever dying media station his unwatchable show is on.

You wanna know what award show I would watch? Best Snack Of 2018. I’d watch that all day long. That actually affects my life. THAT is an award show worth my time and attention. Not this “who wore a cooler costume” shit they’re blasting on my Twitter. I wanna see which new flavor of chips is the best.

All that being said, I did see Get Out and thought it was a great exploration of racial issues through a new lens. And while at the time of writing, I’m not sure if it’s won anything or not, but I really hope it does because that movie I believe is different than the rest.

opinon

Ableism is absolutely unacceptable, but seems absolutely rampant throughout society and it must come to an end. Has society not evolved past the point where we feel the urge to put people down based on their ability?

The biggest scourge of harassment against the disabled has gone to a level that truly makes us at APR truly heartbroken.

The issue is that talking about ableism itself is a very ableist thing to do. When you talk so inconsiderately about ableism and try to “be an ally,” all you do is further lord your privilege over those who can’t express their opinion. You’re taking away the agency of some disabled people by speaking for them.

For example, mute people who have no way of communicating their thoughts and feelings to the world have to sit back and listen to someone indirectly talk down to them whenever they see discussion about their disability. Or to give another realistic example: someone who has no hands surfing the internet has to sit back while they look at conversation about them. When you assert your anti-ableism stance, you are denying a disabled person’s right to be pro-ableism.

For transparency sake, we’d like to say that this topic came up at an all-hands meeting. Maria Taylor, our Chief Disability Correspondent, said this morning that she as a disabled person has felt discouraged as of late because of the conversation around disability in our country. She doesn’t like that her disability, having no head, is a point of conversation all the time; Especially when the conversation is “so toxic,” she told us all this morning. She hates having to listen to people around her jump to the defense of disabled people in her company, because she herself is very pro-ableism.

Maria says that she frequently discriminates against disabled people who have applied to jobs for her. “I want to have the right, like everyone else, to discriminate against disabled people without everyone around me always just assuming how I feel on the issue. Why are we living in a world where I’m being judged based on my disability, and not the content of my character as Martin Luther King Jr. said? This is honestly beyond unfair and I can’t stand it. It has to stop, guys.”

Very true. It’s disgusting to come to her defense in public or online to defend a position you hold and that you, presumptuously, believe she cares anything about. She, like the rest of us, hates the disabled and should have the right to not go through life constantly explaining herself. She’s disabled, sure. But that doesn’t mean she fits into society’s mold. You are an ableist if you jump to the conclusion that she fits the description of what you think a disabled person should be.

Maria and all other disabled people in the country should be given their agency back. Stop the ableism.