Crown Cruise Line to introduce world’s first carbon-neutral cruise where travelers row to destination

HOLLYWOOD, FL — Crown Cruise Line has announced that they are unveiling a next-generation cruiseliner that doesn’t rely on fossil fuels to run. Instead, the luxury vessel requires its passengers to row to their destination. Crown Cruise Line CEO Mathew Gordon said in an email that this is an important move to help curb his company’s impact on global climate change. “Boats are the number one polluters in the world,” Gordon wrote. “We feel it is our duty as citizens of the Earth to stop as much of it as possible. In this life, we have to make sacrifices for the greater…

Construction company to start hiring exclusively women to save 23% on wages

GILBERT, AZ — An Arizona construction company, J.H. Wilson Labor, has announced today that they will be laying off all of their male employees (some pictured above) and replacing them with women to “kill two birds with one stone,” according to their CEO and Founder John Wilson. “We’re doing it for two reasons specifically. First is to save money, and second is to bump up diversity numbers. Both are important and we can do both by getting rid of all men in our workforce and replacing them with women. I mean, shit. We do illegal stuff to save a few…