UPDATED LIVE: Official Democratic response to Trump’s congressional address

Edit: This post is no longer live (9:30pm)

Steve Beshear (former Kentucky Governor) to deliver the official Democratic response to President Trump’s first address to congress

STAY TUNED: STARTING SOON

9:23pm — “Working together to find solution”

9:24pm — Calling Trump out for executive orders; Honestly this guy is on a roll

9:25pm — Before Obamacare, everyone prayed to not get sick. Now, with Obamacare, we pray to be sick

9:27pm — Beshear: When people disagree with you, that doesn’t make you an enemy; Illogical

9:29pm — Report: Crowd of people behind Beshear not diverse enough

9:30pm — Beshear rips off pledge of allegiance

9:30pm — End response

UPDATED LIVE: President Trump’s first address to congress

Edit: This post is no longer live (9:10pm)

President Trump is going to address congress at 6:00pm tonight and is expected to talk about several different aspects of what his plan will be for the country.

Read APR’s piece going more into detail about the contents of the speech here.

STAY TUNED: LIVE UPDATES WILL START AT 7:00pm CST

SPEECH STARTS AT 8:00pm CST

7:06pm — Trump to say that the “time for trivial fights is behind us,” retweets a diss at Nordstrom

7:10pm — According to sources, Democratic leaders want the party to remain civil, keep eye rolling as quiet as possible

7:17pm — Bernie Sanders says “yuge” live on CNN, liberals go wild

7:21pm — Source: Ruth Bader Ginsburg will skip address to attend the dress rehearsal for her funeral

7:33pm — Dem. women upset they all arrived in the same outfit

7:36pm — Trump forgets phone on nightstand, runs back to get it

7:38pm — Pence enters chamber, senators fake their excitement

7:39pm-8:03pm — Honestly, you didn’t miss much

8:04pm — PRESIDENT TRUMP ENTERS HOUSE CHAMBER

8:04pm — “Trump’s tie game on fleek”, according to our office intern

8:08pm — Documentary makers already editing scary music in the background of Trump’s introduction

8:09pm — Melania gets standing ovation for some reason

8:10pm — Trump condemns hate

8:11pm — Applause break for Trump completing a grammatically correct sentence

8:14pm — Trump thinks his election shifted tectonic plates

8:15pm — Trump delivers his killer catchphrase with a point at the camera

8:16pm — Trump takes credit for the sun rising: “Wouldn’t have happened without me, folks”

8:17pm — Audible laugh after Trump says that he’s “draining the swamp”

8:19pm — Republicans get the vapors as Trump says “America” as many times as he can

8:24pm — Fear mongering

8:27pm — Democrats so comfortable in their seats, they’re forgetting to give standing ovations

8:29pm — Report: Fact checkers passing out as Trump rattles off stats

8:31pm — Harley Davidson ad read

8:35pm — Crowd laughs when Trump implies he can negotiate

8:39pm — Trump narrowly avoids saying that he wants universal health care

8:40pm — Comes close yet again to saying universal health care

8:42pm — “Make sure no one is left out.” Pretty close to universal health care, if you ask us

8:44pm — Republicans suddenly love the concept of unity

8:46pm — National Rare Disease Day apparently exists

8:48pm — Trump pronounces “Latino” in a way he definitely doesn’t pronounce it in casual conversation

8:50pm — Trump roasts young woman for failing third grade

8:51pm — Murder rates are skyrocketing up, if you’re holding the graph upside down

8:53pm — V.O.I.C.E.; Clever acronym, honestly. Awful. But clever.

8:55pm — Trump unveils sidejob of cherry picking

8:56pm — “Military spending is so low, the US is only number one in the world”

8:57pm — Bucket of cherry stems next to the president’s podium overflowing

9:00pm — Far too much clapping

9:01pm — Still clapping

9:02pm — Bible verse followed by more clapping

9:03pm — America respects the path that nations forge for themselves, unless we don’t and we invade

9:05pm — Something about an “electric pen”…?

9:07pm — Trump gives shoutout to God

9:09pm — Trump: Believe in yourself

9:10pm — END SPEECH

Trump’s high stakes address to Congress tonight: Both sides of the aisle brace for the president’s plan for the future

Republicans fearful of Trump making promises they’ll have to deliver on, Democrats excited to virtue signal and tweet

WASHINGTON D.C. — Tonight President Trump will address congress on the specifics of the kind of dystopian future he has in mind for the country. The most anticipated thing on the president’s docket is the fate of Obamacare. Yesterday in a meeting with several governors , Trump exclaimed in befuddlement, “Nobody knew health care could be so complicated.” Hopefully the president has had sometime to read about it on the Wikipedia page in preparation for his speech.

Democrats also have some preparing to do before Trump’s speech tonight. Steve Beshear, former governor of Kentucky, is going to be making the official Democratic rebuttal in defence of the ACA. Unofficially though, Democrats across the country are gearing up for an intellectual and impassioned debate through Twitter using funny reaction gifs.

While explaining his faults in communicating his faults, Trump quite eloquently summed it up by saying, ““I think I’ve done great things, but I don’t think I have — I and my people — I don’t think we’ve explained it well enough to the American public.” In terms of how he’s done generally, he believes he deserves an A – which he’s working to achieve with his teachers and counselors.

In the address tonight, the president’s goal is to articulate what he’s done so far and what his plans for the future are. According to several sources who have illegally leaked information to APR, Republican lawmakers are worried he’s going to do “a little too much articulation”. Our unethical, anonymous source added, “We’re honestly still reeling from that time Trump said that we’d have ‘healthcare for everyone’ that one time. We don’t wanna be writing checks our asses can’t cash, y’know what I mean?” Republicans are bracing for new positions that they may have to take starting tonight and they are going to have to think hard about their priorities; “An off script President Trump might just promise no taxes, for example, so we have to figure out how we incorporate ideas like that, and others that we’ve sworn against, into talking points that we make to the media.”

The Democrats are supposed to have a good night. It’s impossible to be stressed out about talking points if you just ignore who’s making them.

Be sure to join APR tonight in our live blog coverage tonight of Trump’s comments as they happen.