EDEN PRAIRIE, MN — A local teen, Kate Robbins, shocked peers in her chemistry lab this morning when she showed up in a Yale sweatshirt. Yale, a university Kate couldn’t ever be successful enough to attend, was an interesting choice for the 18-year-old  community college student; It’s very obvious she had a specific motive behind the purchase, so we sat down with her and asked her about it.

“By getting this shirt, I’m displaying my dominance and superiority over the rest of my friends. I feel very insignificant without obtuse, petty displays of status. In a word— flexing. Constantly.”

Many in her chemistry lab were floored by the power move and some quickly attempted positioning themselves closer to Kate socially. One of Kate’s peers, Jen Donaldson, provided us a comment through text to on the situation.

“tbh she wasn’t really ever super cool but when she showed up to chem with a yale sweatshirt, we all instantly thought more of her as a person. like, she’s so cool now. and we know she has nice, smart friends!”

While the teen’s social standing has been greatly improved, the impact on her crippling loneliness has yet to be determined.