Public stoning decriminalized in Israel

Groundbreaking and precedent setting law passed in the Holy Land

TEL AVIV, ISRAEL — A proposal by Israel’s Public Security and Justice ministries shocked the world today as it was passed by the cabinet.According to Gilad Erdan, Public Security Minister, the measure is to put emphasis on “treatment instead of criminal enforcement.” According to the law, repeat offences in public are only punished criminally after being caught four times in public, otherwise there is only a small fine that is to be paid.

Both being and getting stoned in the Middle East as a whole is a recreational activity that has been practiced for hundreds of years, according to APR’s Chief Everything Non-US Affairs Correspondent Catherine Wyman. “As with some other things that we see in society, getting stoned is an activity that a majority of the people in the MIddle East enjoy but for whatever reason it’s a criminal offence in so many of these places.” Israel will be the first in the region to stand out and make the already popular pastime legal.

Jerusalem, the holy city caught in the middle of a fight between two non-legitimate entities, has been the scene of several small scale rallies with both Muslims and Jews celebrating the “return to traditional values shared by both sides.” For generations both sides have happily agreed on the issue, so occasions like this are ones where Jews and Muslims alike can come together.

Common ground has been difficult to find, but it’s clear that Israel is looking for it. Both faiths in the holy land can now be stoned in public, as both religions expressly allow.

UPDATE: For clarity sake, APR would like to state that what is being decriminalized is weed, not throwing rocks at people to the death.