Edit: This post is no longer live


President Trump delivers his first State Of The Union tonight with several controversies looming over head and to a very divided Congress.

(All times are in Central Standard Time) 

7:47pm: Trump leaves White House, has driver go back for his phone

7:49pm: Trump headed to capitol after grabbing his phone and a quick snack

7:52pm: Trump asks driver for last minute tips

7:54pm: Trump arrives at Capitol

7:55pm: Source: Justice Ginsburg not attending, has “other shit to do”

7:59pm: First Lady begrudgingly enters

8:00pm: Trump Cabinet enters

8:01pm: Secretary of Agriculture is designated survivor, in case the “””””unimaginable””””” happens

8:04pm: Trump enters, looking like a “snacc” according to one of our interns

8:10pm: Paul Ryan pretends introducing President Trump is an honor

8:11pm: Trump gets standing ovation for completing a thought for the first time in his presidency

8:12pm-8:17pm: Clapping

8:18pm: “Seek out common ground and give me money for the wall”

8:19pm: Mike Pence tries to not laugh as Trump says the state of our Union is strong

8:20pm: Source: Democrats can’t clap tonight, all have broken hands and wrists

8:21pm: Opamacare lol

8:25pm: Cory to be “in the house” soon

8:27pm: APR will be using its tax cut to buy a coffee machine that actually works for the office

8:30pm: Breaking: America has one flag

8:31pm: Dems take break from their games of Tiny Wings to clap for that flag kid

8:34pm: Trump tries hard to not look into the teleprompter that would force him to look at Democrats

8:37pm: Trump promises to push back job loss to robots by “at least a few months or something. I dunno, man”

8:40pm: You can tell when Pence wrote the part of the speech we’re at because he’ll nod at it extra hard

8:44pm: Trump talks about building things, teases supporters by not saying “wall” yet

8:46pm: Sanders looks pissed af

8:48pm: Trump says “paid family leave”, points to Democrats

8:49pm: Trump brings up the border, Dems groan; Not at anything he’s saying, but because they’re losing at Tiny Wings

8:54pm: Report: There are more than 13 people in MS13. We thought they named it that because that’s how many people there were. Interesting.

8:57pm: Office intern Ashley says, “haha, the bar for immigration is so high I don’t know if my worthless ass would be able to get in if I was an immigrant”

9:03pm: Trump stopped at four pillars as to not draw any comparisons with Islam

9:05pm: God definitely didn’t say anything to this guy… right…? I mean cool dude and all but like… c’mon.

9:08pm: “Fully fund the military so it’s bigger than the next nine combined, not only the next seven combined as it is now”

9:11pm: Never Forget

9:12pm-9:13pm: Clapping

9:14pm: Trump plays Captain Hindsight for a bit

9:18pm: The US just made a whole lot more enemies

9:19pm: “And you get sanctions, and you get sanctions, and you get sanctions!”

9:23pm: North Korean defector stole beautiful clean coal to trade for food or something and now has a radio show. Sorry, we lost focus over here at APR. We’re playing Tiny Wings

9:27pm: Trump retells American history, forgets Native Americans

9:28pm: USA chant… for some reason…?

9:30pm: Trump ends speech, Dems storm out


Edit: This post is no longer live (9:30pm)

Steve Beshear (former Kentucky Governor) to deliver the official Democratic response to President Trump’s first address to congress


9:23pm — “Working together to find solution”

9:24pm — Calling Trump out for executive orders; Honestly this guy is on a roll

9:25pm — Before Obamacare, everyone prayed to not get sick. Now, with Obamacare, we pray to be sick

9:27pm — Beshear: When people disagree with you, that doesn’t make you an enemy; Illogical

9:29pm — Report: Crowd of people behind Beshear not diverse enough

9:30pm — Beshear rips off pledge of allegiance

9:30pm — End response

Edit: This post is no longer live (9:10pm)

President Trump is going to address congress at 6:00pm tonight and is expected to talk about several different aspects of what his plan will be for the country.

Read APR’s piece going more into detail about the contents of the speech here.



7:06pm — Trump to say that the “time for trivial fights is behind us,” retweets a diss at Nordstrom

7:10pm — According to sources, Democratic leaders want the party to remain civil, keep eye rolling as quiet as possible

7:17pm — Bernie Sanders says “yuge” live on CNN, liberals go wild

7:21pm — Source: Ruth Bader Ginsburg will skip address to attend the dress rehearsal for her funeral

7:33pm — Dem. women upset they all arrived in the same outfit

7:36pm — Trump forgets phone on nightstand, runs back to get it

7:38pm — Pence enters chamber, senators fake their excitement

7:39pm-8:03pm — Honestly, you didn’t miss much


8:04pm — “Trump’s tie game on fleek”, according to our office intern

8:08pm — Documentary makers already editing scary music in the background of Trump’s introduction

8:09pm — Melania gets standing ovation for some reason

8:10pm — Trump condemns hate

8:11pm — Applause break for Trump completing a grammatically correct sentence

8:14pm — Trump thinks his election shifted tectonic plates

8:15pm — Trump delivers his killer catchphrase with a point at the camera

8:16pm — Trump takes credit for the sun rising: “Wouldn’t have happened without me, folks”

8:17pm — Audible laugh after Trump says that he’s “draining the swamp”

8:19pm — Republicans get the vapors as Trump says “America” as many times as he can

8:24pm — Fear mongering

8:27pm — Democrats so comfortable in their seats, they’re forgetting to give standing ovations

8:29pm — Report: Fact checkers passing out as Trump rattles off stats

8:31pm — Harley Davidson ad read

8:35pm — Crowd laughs when Trump implies he can negotiate

8:39pm — Trump narrowly avoids saying that he wants universal health care

8:40pm — Comes close yet again to saying universal health care

8:42pm — “Make sure no one is left out.” Pretty close to universal health care, if you ask us

8:44pm — Republicans suddenly love the concept of unity

8:46pm — National Rare Disease Day apparently exists

8:48pm — Trump pronounces “Latino” in a way he definitely doesn’t pronounce it in casual conversation

8:50pm — Trump roasts young woman for failing third grade

8:51pm — Murder rates are skyrocketing up, if you’re holding the graph upside down

8:53pm — V.O.I.C.E.; Clever acronym, honestly. Awful. But clever.

8:55pm — Trump unveils sidejob of cherry picking

8:56pm — “Military spending is so low, the US is only number one in the world”

8:57pm — Bucket of cherry stems next to the president’s podium overflowing

9:00pm — Far too much clapping

9:01pm — Still clapping

9:02pm — Bible verse followed by more clapping

9:03pm — America respects the path that nations forge for themselves, unless we don’t and we invade

9:05pm — Something about an “electric pen”…?

9:07pm — Trump gives shoutout to God

9:09pm — Trump: Believe in yourself

9:10pm — END SPEECH

EDIT: This post is no longer live (11:00pm) 


(Times are in Central time)

9:02pm: Keith Ellison gets no applause when introduced

9:04PM: Tom Perez has a pretty nice tie and has a lost voice

9:05pm: Ellison calls republicans bad people

9:09pm: Someone we don’t know the name of claims we’re “marching toward fascism”

9:10pm: Pete Buttigie comes out as pro-draft

9:11pm: Never Forget

9:12pm: Jaime Harrison, clearly ripping off Obama, uses lots of hand gestures to make an unimportant point

9:13pm: Peter Peckarsky has trouble coming up with anything good about Democrats

9:15pm: Ellison: “I’m not anti-semitic! I’ve got Jewish friends! I know their history!”

9:18pm: Token black audience member pronounces the word “Latino” in a way he never does in casual conversation

9:20pm: Jehmu Greene vastly overstates how scary Trump is

9:23pm: Sam Ronan is wearing a pretty cool vest!

9:24pm: Perez, not to be outdone by others, over does hand gestures to dodge question

9:26pm: Harrison steps up game by using a pen in hand along with hand gestures

9:27pm: Peckarsky claims that disenfranchising people from voting is “wrong”

9:28pm: Pissed off Perez yells “b-word” at Cuomo

9:29pm: Perez claims his crackly voice is the voice of working class America

9:31pm: Greene disqualifies herself after saying the words “online voting”

9:32pm: Ellison: “I don’t like federal government”

9:34pm: Sally Boynton Brown: “The federal government has too much power”

9:36pm: Greene claims no person can be illegal, quickly flips through thesaurus to find the right word

9:42pm: Perez incorrectly asserts that Clinton is popular

9:43pm: Perez: “We need to rig the primaries far in advance”

9:44pm: Ronan: DNC was rigged; Cuomo askes Perez if Ronan is correct, dodges

9:45pm: Brown shills her website

9:47pm: Harrison’s verbal tap dancing gets standing ovation

9:48pm: Greene: The elections were rigged, but the general election was extra rigged

9:49pm: Dana Bash suggests Clinton is going to run again, huge laugh in the crowd

9:52pm: Peckarsky also shills for website

9:54pm: Buttigie sneakdisses Ronan on hacking skills

10:01pm: Ellison supporter asks question about “bleeding votes” to Republicans

10:02pm: Buttigie: “Ummm.. I dunno…? Talk to them…?”

10:03pm: Old wounds are opened when Dana Bash pulls up electoral map

10:05pm: Ellison claims that there are “conservative democrats”; Neglecting the fact that Americans are either one or the other

10:07pm: Ellison borrows from Trump, claims he didn’t say what he definitely said

10:09pm: Buttigiege incorrectly claims that there can be civil discussion about guns

10:10pm: Brown wants to foster an inclusive environment in the DNC by ignoring white people

10:12pm: Ronan: “Get rid of money”

10:13pm: Perez wants to invite a millennial to a dance

10:14pm: Greene, whose only credential is writing some book, panders to millennials

10:16pm: Harrison answers question by repeating question without the question mark

10:18pm: Harrison actually makes a pretty solid point about state parties

10:20pm: Perez wants to go to “school on it”. further driving home his dance metaphor

10:21pm: Bash pours salt in wounds she opened by pulling up another map of how awful Democrats lost this last election

10:22pm: Peckarsky says the real problem is we have a lot of problems, shills for site again

10:26pm: Considering asking my doctor about Otezla….

10:28pm: Ellison foresaw Trump win, did nothing about it

10:30pm: Buttigieg discusses high school from the trans perspective, even though he’s definitely not trans

10:31pm: Brown womansplains to Cuomo

10:33pm: Perez gives shout out to our hometown of Minneapolis

10:34pm: Cuomo sandbags with question about why he wasn’t at the Women’s March

10:35pm: Ellison lowkey says that the “real work” isn’t marching, later says the Women’s March wasn’t a big deal

10:37pm: Harrison pulls out planner, rattles off schedule

10:38pm: Harrison made his son cry

10:28pm: Greene is rattled why the debate is focusing on 100% of the population

10:41pm: Perez has tons of lobbyist friends. Seems pretty proud of it too…

10:42pm:Peckarsky short circuits live on stage!

10:43pm: Brown, who seems way too frustrated when answering all questions, continues womansplaining

10:45pm: Perez and Ellison’s dinner: No deals were made, Perez picks up tab

10:46pm: Cuomo sad he wasn’t invited to the dinner

10:47pm: Buttigieg invites Perez and Ellison to cheeseburger date in his hometown

10:52pm: Dana Bash to all candidates: “Why should you be DNC Chair?”

10:52pm: Peckarsky: “So the Russians don’t put another hack on us”

10:53pm: Ronan: “I’ve got a spine”

10:54pm: Brown: So little girls have a roll model…? Or something…?

10:54pm: Greene: *irrelevent*

10:55pm: Harrison: “Party building! I’ve hosted several in my house just this week! And a fighter! I got in a fist fight just this morning! And I’ve been homeless! And on food stamps”

10:57pm: Buttigieg: “I’m basically everything you could want in a guy”

10:58pm: Ellison: “I’ve won the most here. All I do is win”

10:58pm: Perez: “We need someone who can communicate,” he said with his lost voice