We gave weed ‘for the first time’ to Baby Boomers who pretend they didn’t smoke in the 60s. Here’s what they think.

For 4/20, APR dug through Facebook to find local Baby Boomers who could come to our office and pretend they hadn’t had weed in their teens and 20s as to appear morally superior so we could get their thoughts on their ‘first time’ using the recreational drug. David (63) — “I get it. I get the happy feeling and what not, but why does it have to be legalized? I’m smiling and I’m having fun, but since when is that a right? I’m sorry, I’m just uncomfortable with all of this.” David got out of his chair, curled up in…

Local teen buys Yale sweatshirt so people know she knows people from Yale

EDEN PRAIRIE, MN — A local teen, Kate Robbins, shocked peers in her chemistry lab this morning when she showed up in a Yale sweatshirt. Yale, a university Kate couldn’t ever be successful enough to attend, was an interesting choice for the 18-year-old  community college student; It’s very obvious she had a specific motive behind the purchase, so we sat down with her and asked her about it. “By getting this shirt, I’m displaying my dominance and superiority over the rest of my friends. I feel very insignificant without obtuse, petty displays of status. In a word— flexing. Constantly.” Many in her…

Opinion: The ‘UMN Divest’ referendum is literally the definition of a race war

University of Minnesota students have this week had a really hard choice in front of them in the divestment referendum. For those unacquainted, the “UMN Divest referendum” thing is where a group of anti-Semites or something hate Boeing or something, and the other side consists of the Jewish frat and people who hate Palestinian kids or something and the anti-Semites want the U of M to not support the kid-hating side and the kid-hating side thinks the anti-Semitic is being anti-Semitic. I dunno. I didn’t really research. I think the important thing to remember in this time is that regardless…