PALM BEACH, FL — Guests staying in one of the elegant guest suites at Mar-a-Lago now have a chance to upgrade to a “Top Secret” package, which includes the perk of sitting in on intelligence briefings and getting to eat dinner with President Trump, Secret Service, and the full cabinet.

A Mar-a-Lago representative told APR this evening that such intimacy with the president is something only they can provide: “With our new package, our guests can experience what it’s like to be one of the president’s top men for the duration of your stay.”

Guests already can receive a complimentary intelligence briefing if they didn’t mind listening to it from a distance, but the resort’s announcement today to make the process to listen in formally shows they’re committing to a superior quality in the guest experience.

The resort has received criticism from the lower and middle class, as they see the upgrade to be unfair. James Hamm, a homeless man who sleeps outside our building, told us today that he’s saddened by it and that he “wish[es] to see the day when the poor can have the same treatment as the rich.” He, an many like him, are worried that the price tag will push the poor further away from the ruling class of Washington.

We’ll just have to let the free market decide if the poor should get the same access!