Saudi Arabia, as many of you might believe, is a “backward” nation riddled with corruption and medieval values. It’s quite the contrary. I would like to assert that Saudi Arabia is actually way more progressive and forward thinking than all of the western propaganda you consume would like for you to believe. Here are my reasons why Saudi Arabia isn’t as bad as you think it is.

Royal Family

The first important thing to note to mention is that they have a royal family! Not everyone knows that, but it’s true! Who doesn’t love a monarchy that that can’t be challenged and has insane power that no other entity has the ability to check?? The west loves to point at this as a “bad” thing, but they really have no ammo when arguing their point. I mean, look at it! They have a king!

Religion

If you want an example of what a good state-sponsored religion is, look no further. Wahhabi Islam is simply the greatest thing that has happened to Islam. You thought Islam was cool before? Try out the literal, extremely conservative interpretation of the faith called Wahhabi Islam! The coolest part is that Wahhabism can kinda say whatever it wants and it will be protected and fought for tooth and nail by liberals who will call any extreme decree okay in their cultural context and just misunderstood by the west.

Women

Saudi Arabia is a bastion of women’s rights and honestly, that goes without saying. First and foremost, we need to talk about women covering up. It is a FACT that in Saudi Arabia, women have a CHOICE to either be covered from head to toe anytime they’re out OR be punished for it brutally whether socially or legally. Wow! That kind of freedom to choose is just not there in western countries.

Morality

Morality and Saudi Arabia go hand in hand. You’ll likely be pleased to hear, in fact, that Saudi Arabia is so great with this that they’re on the Human Rights Council for the UN! You don’t just talk your way into that! Or provide the world with such a large amount of oil that everyone will just kinda ignore any human rights violations you commit as to not disturb the flow of oil. That’s just unheard of! Not much else even needs to be said quite frankly! I’ll formulate arguments the second the world sees Saudi Arabia as a morally corrupt nation, but now everyone seems to agree they’re just fine!

Conclusion

Now, while I haven’t been to Saudi Arabia and don’t plan on it, I’m thinking it’s a pretty cool place! We should try being less tough on it in the west and understand that they’re not a “worse” society because of “massive limitations on basic human rights”. They’re in fact a way cooler place than anywhere in the west!

University of Minnesota students have this week had a really hard choice in front of them in the divestment referendum.

For those unacquainted, the “UMN Divest referendum” thing is where a group of anti-Semites or something hate Boeing or something, and the other side consists of the Jewish frat and people who hate Palestinian kids or something and the anti-Semites want the U of M to not support the kid-hating side and the kid-hating side thinks the anti-Semitic is being anti-Semitic. I dunno. I didn’t really research.

I think the important thing to remember in this time is that regardless of which ever way it goes, it’ll surely be the beginnings of a race war. Which is exciting!

Both sides absolutely losing it surely means something is going on. This can’t just be a vote to stop money from going to companies. If that was the case, I don’t think people would care. Right?

I mean, nobody actually cares about Palestine, do they? Or Israel? If anyone actually cared about anyone in the region, it would have all been sorted out decades ago. Both the sides in the region get off to war or something, which is totally fine; I personally love war myself. My point is that it’s cool that this is coming to the US now, starting with this vote.

Again, whichever way it goes in this absolutely meaningless vote, tons of people are gonna go insane. If “Vote No” wins, they’ll buy so many Snapchat filters that we’ll have to swipe for several minutes to get the normal ones. And if “UMNDivest” wins, all Jews on campus will be forced to go back to Israel or else face the wrath of people who actually don’t care about any of this but are trying to look woke by championing Palestine.

Either way, big things are happening.

ANKARA, TURKEY — After a very obvious win in the referendum to expand his God-given authority, President Erdoğan and his staff are going all out with celebrations, which include the cutest little stuffed ballots for kids to take home after a long night of joy.

We spoke with some kids on the ground in Ankara and they’re all very excited: “I did want to be president when I am older, but I prefer the stability that he will provide me for the rest of my life,” one boy told us.

There is currently a very small minority of people who are upset at the fireworks display Erdoğan supporters are shooting off. So much so that they want to contest the vote to throw their own firework display. They could always just contribute their fireworks to the overall display and make everyone happy, but some just enjoy dissenting for the sake of dissenting.

Some of the very few other opposition members are very vocal in their concern that this is one step closer to Erdoğan never leaving power and taking full control, but c’mon! He said he’d do good things as president. It’s only rational to extend his term so he can do more good things.

The main point of focus here, again, is the children. While they hold their stuffed ballots tonight as they fall asleep, they can rest easy knowing that they don’t have to deal with the hassle of elections, “voting,” debate, and instability that comes with transferring power from one person to another for the rest of their lives. Truly an inspiring day for children in Turkey today.