Hey, France. Macron won because you’re a sexist.

Today is a sad day for women everywhere

You did it France. Way to go. First the US, and now France. What’s wrong with the world today. Why can’t a perfectly qualified woman with nothing controversial about her just finally get some power in this world.

At every turn, there was some nonsense about how Le Pen is spouting “bigotry” or whatever. Just lies that so many spread because of fear. Fear of a woman leading them.

France, you should be ashamed. After the US election where Donald Trump came out on top, we thought that this sexism was just on the conservative side, but France has proved that bigots are politically agnostic and will stop at nothing to carry out their wishes.

Don’t lie and say that you care about “minorities” or “women”. Not only is Le Pen a woman, but she’s one third Venusian. You just had to snuff out another disenfranchised minority, didn’t you?

Today will be remembered in French history as the day France came together to take power from an innocent, helpless woman to give it to a man. Disgusting.

President Erdoğan handing out stuffed ballots to kids at celebration of referendum victory

They’re honestly the cutest little things things in the world!

ANKARA, TURKEY — After a very obvious win in the referendum to expand his God given authority, President Erdoğan and his staff are going all out with celebrations, which include the cutest little stuffed ballots for kids to take home after a long night of joy.

We spoke with some kids on the ground in Ankara and they’re all very excited: “I did want to be president when I am older, but I prefer the stability that he will provide me for the rest of my life,” one boy told us.

There is currently a very small minority of people who are upset at the fireworks display Erdoğan supporters are shooting off. So much so that they want to contest the vote to throw their own firework display. They could always just contribute their fireworks to the overall display and make everyone happy, but some just enjoy dissenting for the sake of dissenting.

Some of the very few other opposition members are very vocal in their concern that this is one step closer to Erdoğan never leaving power and taking full control, but c’mon! He said he’d do good things as president so let extend his term so he can do more good things.

The main point of focus here, again, is the children. While they hold their stuffed ballots tonight as they fall asleep, they can rest easy knowing that they don’t have to deal with the hassle of elections, “voting”, debate, and instability that comes with transferring power from one person to another for the rest of their lives. Truly an inspiring day for children in Turkey today.

Trump’s border wall compromise: Build series of five foot walls to encourage athletic immigrants to come into US

Trump Administration revamps the plan for a border wall spanning the US-Mexico border

WASHINGTON D.C. —  In a bold and short statement that has since been overshadowed by Trump bombing Afghanistan, the White House is proposing a compromise between keeping the border secure, and allowing a select few of talented individuals come into the country.

The compromise would be to build, instead of one 30-40 foot wall, to build several 5 foot walls that would need to be jumped over in order to gain entry to the US. This, the statement says, would encourage athletic Mexicans to vault over the walls, while discouraging less desirable ones from coming into the country.

The initial plan of one big beautiful wall was too exclusive, as it would have kept everyone out, but this new proposal relieves strain on the immigration system, while also giving us the competitive edge on the world stage that immigration can give a country.

Specifically, the statement mentions, “the US has a bad track record in athletic events like soccer, while Mexico has had a fairly average one. Not great, but average.” It goes on to propose bringing in Mexican immigrants to boost the US agriculture, lawn care, and auto body work industries.

The proposal is one on both sides are coming together on, as both sides agree that the country could benefit from high skilled Immigrants.

The Democrats have yet to see that Trump is essentially proposing the same amount of wall to be built, but that this new one will be spread out over several walls, and to call him on it, as would be expected. As with the Gorsich nomination, Democrats are kinda just taking what they can get. Democratic strategist and APR’s Compromise Correspondent tells us that this is the best thing the Democrats can do.

“The Republicans have full control so the Democrats are left with the choices of a 35 foot wall, or 7 five foot walls. Both aren’t prime, but it’s best to bite the bullet, buy a team USA soccer jersey, and let it happen”


UPDATED LIVE: President Trump’s first address to congress

Edit: This post is no longer live (9:10pm)

President Trump is going to address congress at 6:00pm tonight and is expected to talk about several different aspects of what his plan will be for the country.

Read APR’s piece going more into detail about the contents of the speech here.



7:06pm — Trump to say that the “time for trivial fights is behind us,” retweets a diss at Nordstrom

7:10pm — According to sources, Democratic leaders want the party to remain civil, keep eye rolling as quiet as possible

7:17pm — Bernie Sanders says “yuge” live on CNN, liberals go wild

7:21pm — Source: Ruth Bader Ginsburg will skip address to attend the dress rehearsal for her funeral

7:33pm — Dem. women upset they all arrived in the same outfit

7:36pm — Trump forgets phone on nightstand, runs back to get it

7:38pm — Pence enters chamber, senators fake their excitement

7:39pm-8:03pm — Honestly, you didn’t miss much


8:04pm — “Trump’s tie game on fleek”, according to our office intern

8:08pm — Documentary makers already editing scary music in the background of Trump’s introduction

8:09pm — Melania gets standing ovation for some reason

8:10pm — Trump condemns hate

8:11pm — Applause break for Trump completing a grammatically correct sentence

8:14pm — Trump thinks his election shifted tectonic plates

8:15pm — Trump delivers his killer catchphrase with a point at the camera

8:16pm — Trump takes credit for the sun rising: “Wouldn’t have happened without me, folks”

8:17pm — Audible laugh after Trump says that he’s “draining the swamp”

8:19pm — Republicans get the vapors as Trump says “America” as many times as he can

8:24pm — Fear mongering

8:27pm — Democrats so comfortable in their seats, they’re forgetting to give standing ovations

8:29pm — Report: Fact checkers passing out as Trump rattles off stats

8:31pm — Harley Davidson ad read

8:35pm — Crowd laughs when Trump implies he can negotiate

8:39pm — Trump narrowly avoids saying that he wants universal health care

8:40pm — Comes close yet again to saying universal health care

8:42pm — “Make sure no one is left out.” Pretty close to universal health care, if you ask us

8:44pm — Republicans suddenly love the concept of unity

8:46pm — National Rare Disease Day apparently exists

8:48pm — Trump pronounces “Latino” in a way he definitely doesn’t pronounce it in casual conversation

8:50pm — Trump roasts young woman for failing third grade

8:51pm — Murder rates are skyrocketing up, if you’re holding the graph upside down

8:53pm — V.O.I.C.E.; Clever acronym, honestly. Awful. But clever.

8:55pm — Trump unveils sidejob of cherry picking

8:56pm — “Military spending is so low, the US is only number one in the world”

8:57pm — Bucket of cherry stems next to the president’s podium overflowing

9:00pm — Far too much clapping

9:01pm — Still clapping

9:02pm — Bible verse followed by more clapping

9:03pm — America respects the path that nations forge for themselves, unless we don’t and we invade

9:05pm — Something about an “electric pen”…?

9:07pm — Trump gives shoutout to God

9:09pm — Trump: Believe in yourself

9:10pm — END SPEECH

Trump’s high stakes address to Congress tonight: Both sides of the aisle brace for the president’s plan for the future

Republicans fearful of Trump making promises they’ll have to deliver on, Democrats excited to virtue signal and tweet

WASHINGTON D.C. — Tonight President Trump will address congress on the specifics of the kind of dystopian future he has in mind for the country. The most anticipated thing on the president’s docket is the fate of Obamacare. Yesterday in a meeting with several governors , Trump exclaimed in befuddlement, “Nobody knew health care could be so complicated.” Hopefully the president has had sometime to read about it on the Wikipedia page in preparation for his speech.

Democrats also have some preparing to do before Trump’s speech tonight. Steve Beshear, former governor of Kentucky, is going to be making the official Democratic rebuttal in defence of the ACA. Unofficially though, Democrats across the country are gearing up for an intellectual and impassioned debate through Twitter using funny reaction gifs.

While explaining his faults in communicating his faults, Trump quite eloquently summed it up by saying, ““I think I’ve done great things, but I don’t think I have — I and my people — I don’t think we’ve explained it well enough to the American public.” In terms of how he’s done generally, he believes he deserves an A – which he’s working to achieve with his teachers and counselors.

In the address tonight, the president’s goal is to articulate what he’s done so far and what his plans for the future are. According to several sources who have illegally leaked information to APR, Republican lawmakers are worried he’s going to do “a little too much articulation”. Our unethical, anonymous source added, “We’re honestly still reeling from that time Trump said that we’d have ‘healthcare for everyone’ that one time. We don’t wanna be writing checks our asses can’t cash, y’know what I mean?” Republicans are bracing for new positions that they may have to take starting tonight and they are going to have to think hard about their priorities; “An off script President Trump might just promise no taxes, for example, so we have to figure out how we incorporate ideas like that, and others that we’ve sworn against, into talking points that we make to the media.”

The Democrats are supposed to have a good night. It’s impossible to be stressed out about talking points if you just ignore who’s making them.

Be sure to join APR tonight in our live blog coverage tonight of Trump’s comments as they happen.

UPDATED LIVE: CNN Democratic Leadership Debate

EDIT: This post is no longer live (11:00pm) 


(Times are in Central time)

9:02pm: Keith Ellison gets no applause when introduced

9:04PM: Tom Perez has a pretty nice tie and has a lost voice

9:05pm: Ellison calls republicans bad people

9:09pm: Someone we don’t know the name of claims we’re “marching toward fascism”

9:10pm: Pete Buttigie comes out as pro-draft

9:11pm: Never Forget

9:12pm: Jaime Harrison, clearly ripping off Obama, uses lots of hand gestures to make an unimportant point

9:13pm: Peter Peckarsky has trouble coming up with anything good about Democrats

9:15pm: Ellison: “I’m not anti-semitic! I’ve got Jewish friends! I know their history!”

9:18pm: Token black audience member pronounces the word “Latino” in a way he never does in casual conversation

9:20pm: Jehmu Greene vastly overstates how scary Trump is

9:23pm: Sam Ronan is wearing a pretty cool vest!

9:24pm: Perez, not to be outdone by others, over does hand gestures to dodge question

9:26pm: Harrison steps up game by using a pen in hand along with hand gestures

9:27pm: Peckarsky claims that disenfranchising people from voting is “wrong”

9:28pm: Pissed off Perez yells “b-word” at Cuomo

9:29pm: Perez claims his crackly voice is the voice of working class America

9:31pm: Greene disqualifies herself after saying the words “online voting”

9:32pm: Ellison: “I don’t like federal government”

9:34pm: Sally Boynton Brown: “The federal government has too much power”

9:36pm: Greene claims no person can be illegal, quickly flips through thesaurus to find the right word

9:42pm: Perez incorrectly asserts that Clinton is popular

9:43pm: Perez: “We need to rig the primaries far in advance”

9:44pm: Ronan: DNC was rigged; Cuomo askes Perez if Ronan is correct, dodges

9:45pm: Brown shills her website

9:47pm: Harrison’s verbal tap dancing gets standing ovation

9:48pm: Greene: The elections were rigged, but the general election was extra rigged

9:49pm: Dana Bash suggests Clinton is going to run again, huge laugh in the crowd

9:52pm: Peckarsky also shills for website

9:54pm: Buttigie sneakdisses Ronan on hacking skills

10:01pm: Ellison supporter asks question about “bleeding votes” to Republicans

10:02pm: Buttigie: “Ummm.. I dunno…? Talk to them…?”

10:03pm: Old wounds are opened when Dana Bash pulls up electoral map

10:05pm: Ellison claims that there are “conservative democrats”; Neglecting the fact that Americans are either one or the other

10:07pm: Ellison borrows from Trump, claims he didn’t say what he definitely said

10:09pm: Buttigiege incorrectly claims that there can be civil discussion about guns

10:10pm: Brown wants to foster an inclusive environment in the DNC by ignoring white people

10:12pm: Ronan: “Get rid of money”

10:13pm: Perez wants to invite a millennial to a dance

10:14pm: Greene, whose only credential is writing some book, panders to millennials

10:16pm: Harrison answers question by repeating question without the question mark

10:18pm: Harrison actually makes a pretty solid point about state parties

10:20pm: Perez wants to go to “school on it”. further driving home his dance metaphor

10:21pm: Bash pours salt in wounds she opened by pulling up another map of how awful Democrats lost this last election

10:22pm: Peckarsky says the real problem is we have a lot of problems, shills for site again

10:26pm: Considering asking my doctor about Otezla….

10:28pm: Ellison foresaw Trump win, did nothing about it

10:30pm: Buttigieg discusses high school from the trans perspective, even though he’s definitely not trans

10:31pm: Brown womansplains to Cuomo

10:33pm: Perez gives shout out to our hometown of Minneapolis

10:34pm: Cuomo sandbags with question about why he wasn’t at the Women’s March

10:35pm: Ellison lowkey says that the “real work” isn’t marching, later says the Women’s March wasn’t a big deal

10:37pm: Harrison pulls out planner, rattles off schedule

10:38pm: Harrison made his son cry

10:28pm: Greene is rattled why the debate is focusing on 100% of the population

10:41pm: Perez has tons of lobbyist friends. Seems pretty proud of it too…

10:42pm:Peckarsky short circuits live on stage!

10:43pm: Brown, who seems way too frustrated when answering all questions, continues womansplaining

10:45pm: Perez and Ellison’s dinner: No deals were made, Perez picks up tab

10:46pm: Cuomo sad he wasn’t invited to the dinner

10:47pm: Buttigieg invites Perez and Ellison to cheeseburger date in his hometown

10:52pm: Dana Bash to all candidates: “Why should you be DNC Chair?”

10:52pm: Peckarsky: “So the Russians don’t put another hack on us”

10:53pm: Ronan: “I’ve got a spine”

10:54pm: Brown: So little girls have a roll model…? Or something…?

10:54pm: Greene: *irrelevent*

10:55pm: Harrison: “Party building! I’ve hosted several in my house just this week! And a fighter! I got in a fist fight just this morning! And I’ve been homeless! And on food stamps”

10:57pm: Buttigieg: “I’m basically everything you could want in a guy”

10:58pm: Ellison: “I’ve won the most here. All I do is win”

10:58pm: Perez: “We need someone who can communicate,” he said with his lost voice


Obama to Trump Administration: Banning Muslims does nothing. Just bomb them.

Advice to new administration

WASHINGTON D.C. — Obama gave advice to the month old administration earlier today that is resonating with much of America.

“Do like I did with them,” Obama wrote in a letter to Trump. “Just bomb them.” The former president added that a ban makes the anti-Muslim agenda too obvious and that the public is okay when you kill Muslims because, “you can’t have rights taken away from you when you’re dead. So just kill them so nobody can complain that they have “less rights” or whatever.”

The letter is admired by those on both sides of the political spectrum. In a recent Pew poll, 78% of America expressed worry about taking rights away from a specific group, but was okay if that step was skipped and they were just killed.

Some today have expressed worry about this, saying that this may be a slippery slope to perhaps eliminating other groups of people; Those worries are usually quelled shortly after when the point that Muslims aren’t technically human is brought up.

This memo sent to the Trump administration is one that’s very important because it reminds us, in this very divisive and polarized time, that America’s fear and hatred of Islam is a bipartisan issue.

Trump’s team is reportedly happy to have gotten the letter from the former president. One staffer told APR earlier today that the administration is glad to have the support and guidance of Obama in Trump’s attempts to continue what the Obama administration set the groundwork for during his tenure. “We always have known that this issue is one that all Americans strongly about and we’re happy to have the blessings of Obama in our goal to keep going with his vision for America.”

A nice point of agreement in a world where it seems that nobody can agree.