LGBT Voices: Meet the gay couple that’s taking their transgender child to conversion therapy

MINNEAPOLIS, MN — A local gay couple, Jerry and Francis Jameson, has decided that they will be taking their transgender child, aged 16, to conversion therapy. This is in order to repair what they told us is the “degenerative brain dysfunction of transgenderism.” Their child, who asked remain unnamed but his name is Thomas, is going through a phase where he believes that he was born in the wrong body and would like to someday go through surgery to correct for this.  For now, he dresses in such a way as to appear female and acts as a woman as well, like…

This Sunday, remember to set your clocks forward an hour and your calendars to Nov. 3, 2020

Daylight Savings Time is coming this weekend, so we are reminding all readers to be sure their clocks go forward one hour, but also to keep in mind that this is the perfect time to catch Donald Trump off guard. We have to always be resisting the Trump administration and that means using systems we have in place to impede him from setting forth his disgusting agenda on America. What if this Daylight Savings Time, we all came together and used the system to our advantage? It’ll be easy. Sunday at 2am, as usual, set the clock forward an hour…

Opinion: The ‘UMN Divest’ referendum is literally the definition of a race war

University of Minnesota students have this week had a really hard choice in front of them in the divestment referendum. For those unacquainted, the “UMN Divest referendum” thing is where a group of anti-Semites or something hate Boeing or something, and the other side consists of the Jewish frat and people who hate Palestinian kids or something and the anti-Semites want the U of M to not support the kid-hating side and the kid-hating side thinks the anti-Semitic is being anti-Semitic. I dunno. I didn’t really research. I think the important thing to remember in this time is that regardless…

Kindergarteners of West Virginia public schools found to be lobbying against teachers

CHARLESTON, WV — Several hundred children as young as five years old were caught in a basement holding a rally this morning, the goal of which was to gather support and money to push their anti-school agenda. The children were caught by the owner of the home, Randy Samson, who thought his child was just “having a few friends over to watch some movies.” “You always want your children to be politically active. It’s just disappointing when they they have the wrong opinions, you know? I’m just honestly shocked he found so many people. I dunno. I guess that’s a…

Small-town school district to start ‘pet gun’ program to teach kids how to care for a handgun

MOORESVILLE, AL — The Mooresville School District announced today that they will be introducing a program in its elementary and middle schools where students will have the opportunity to get to take home the “class gun.” District Superintendent Carolyn Gilden said that after the Parkland school shooting this Valentine’s Day, she does not believe the real issues that caused the shooting are the usual suspects in these debates, but that our country has yet to normalize guns, making the gun a wonder that makes kids —and later in life, adults— nervous. So this small town in Alabama is working to…

Kim Jong Un believes Yoplait with granola is “worth the extra $3,” defector says

SEOUL, SOUTH KOREA – A high level North Korean defector, Jun Yi, spoke out yesterday at the UN describing previously unknown facets of Kim’s personal life, such as his affinity for Yoplait with granola and many more disturbing details. Yi, age 46, a party leader, first tried to defect from North Korea in 2009 under the guise of “making a quick run to Target,” but was told to “come up with a better one, we just went shopping.” Years later, Yi and his family found their lucky break when Kim was low on groceries and they made their escape. When they…