MINNEAPOLIS, MN — Local teen, Louis Fellman, 18, has been pretending to be a polyglot for several years, but today has been caught red-handed by his peers after not being able to fully articulate the very commonly used pharyngeal fricative. His now former best friend, Tony Moss, recounted the experience with us earlier this morning in a sit-down interview

“When we all asked him if he could give us just one, clean pharyngeal fricative, and he stupidly said a velar lateral approximant instead, we knew his ass was a poser. Like, from day one. He says he can speak Russian, Italian, Greek, Portuguese, Mandarin, Swahili, Hebrew, and a couple of others I can’t remember, but now I’m not sure. What a joke.”

When we asked Louis about, he said he’s unable to shake the feeling that he has disappointed everyone he has met or will ever meet. Or at least that’s what we think he said. We couldn’t hear him over his lateralized alveolar approximant.

He also told us today that he doesn’t even know the difference between an alveolar lateral fricative and a postalveolar lateral fricative. What a loser!