Saudi Arabia, as many of you might believe, is a “backward” nation riddled with corruption and medieval values. It’s quite the contrary. I would like to assert that Saudi Arabia is actually way more progressive and forward thinking than all of the western propaganda you consume would like for you to believe. Here are my reasons why Saudi Arabia isn’t as bad as you think it is.

Royal Family

The first important thing to note to mention is that they have a royal family! Not everyone knows that, but it’s true! Who doesn’t love a monarchy that that can’t be challenged and has insane power that no other entity has the ability to check?? The west loves to point at this as a “bad” thing, but they really have no ammo when arguing their point. I mean, look at it! They have a king!

Religion

If you want an example of what a good state-sponsored religion is, look no further. Wahhabi Islam is simply the greatest thing that has happened to Islam. You thought Islam was cool before? Try out the literal, extremely conservative interpretation of the faith called Wahhabi Islam! The coolest part is that Wahhabism can kinda say whatever it wants and it will be protected and fought for tooth and nail by liberals who will call any extreme decree okay in their cultural context and just misunderstood by the west.

Women

Saudi Arabia is a bastion of women’s rights and honestly, that goes without saying. First and foremost, we need to talk about women covering up. It is a FACT that in Saudi Arabia, women have a CHOICE to either be covered from head to toe anytime they’re out OR be punished for it brutally whether socially or legally. Wow! That kind of freedom to choose is just not there in western countries.

Morality

Morality and Saudi Arabia go hand in hand. You’ll likely be pleased to hear, in fact, that Saudi Arabia is so great with this that they’re on the Human Rights Council for the UN! You don’t just talk your way into that! Or provide the world with such a large amount of oil that everyone will just kinda ignore any human rights violations you commit as to not disturb the flow of oil. That’s just unheard of! Not much else even needs to be said quite frankly! I’ll formulate arguments the second the world sees Saudi Arabia as a morally corrupt nation, but now everyone seems to agree they’re just fine!

Conclusion

Now, while I haven’t been to Saudi Arabia and don’t plan on it, I’m thinking it’s a pretty cool place! We should try being less tough on it in the west and understand that they’re not a “worse” society because of “massive limitations on basic human rights”. They’re in fact a way cooler place than anywhere in the west!

RIYADH, SAUDI ARABIA — APR’s Saudi Arabia branch was prepared to have a field day with a sex tape we uncovered earlier this week featuring the Saudi Prince Mohammed bin Salman and an alien in a Make America Great Again hat, but now is legally obligated to not write any satire about it due to a ban on such writing that would “disrupt public order”.

Ahmad bin Sharif, an Arab guy we found who was really pumped to draw a cartoon about this, says the part he’s most disappointed about is the fact that he can’t draw his favorite part of the tape where the prince uses a bottle of Yemeni children’s blood as lube with the alien.

“The alien, by the way, was definitely a man, despite the fact that he was in fact not human. That’s not a bad thing, I just wanted to clarify. It just sucks that I can’t joke about any of this without fear of punishment. The actual tape is no big deal, it’s just a real shame we can’t joke about it.”

We reached out to Mohammed and his family for comment but all they said was that the hat wasn’t a MAGA hat but was, in fact, a parody “Make Russia Great Again” hat.