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President Trump delivers his first State Of The Union tonight with several controversies looming over head and to a very divided Congress.

(All times are in Central Standard Time) 

7:47pm: Trump leaves White House, has driver go back for his phone

7:49pm: Trump headed to capitol after grabbing his phone and a quick snack

7:52pm: Trump asks driver for last minute tips

7:54pm: Trump arrives at Capitol

7:55pm: Source: Justice Ginsburg not attending, has “other shit to do”

7:59pm: First Lady begrudgingly enters

8:00pm: Trump Cabinet enters

8:01pm: Secretary of Agriculture is designated survivor, in case the “””””unimaginable””””” happens

8:04pm: Trump enters, looking like a “snacc” according to one of our interns

8:10pm: Paul Ryan pretends introducing President Trump is an honor

8:11pm: Trump gets standing ovation for completing a thought for the first time in his presidency

8:12pm-8:17pm: Clapping

8:18pm: “Seek out common ground and give me money for the wall”

8:19pm: Mike Pence tries to not laugh as Trump says the state of our Union is strong

8:20pm: Source: Democrats can’t clap tonight, all have broken hands and wrists

8:21pm: Opamacare lol

8:25pm: Cory to be “in the house” soon

8:27pm: APR will be using its tax cut to buy a coffee machine that actually works for the office

8:30pm: Breaking: America has one flag

8:31pm: Dems take break from their games of Tiny Wings to clap for that flag kid

8:34pm: Trump tries hard to not look into the teleprompter that would force him to look at Democrats

8:37pm: Trump promises to push back job loss to robots by “at least a few months or something. I dunno, man”

8:40pm: You can tell when Pence wrote the part of the speech we’re at because he’ll nod at it extra hard

8:44pm: Trump talks about building things, teases supporters by not saying “wall” yet

8:46pm: Sanders looks pissed af

8:48pm: Trump says “paid family leave”, points to Democrats

8:49pm: Trump brings up the border, Dems groan; Not at anything he’s saying, but because they’re losing at Tiny Wings

8:54pm: Report: There are more than 13 people in MS13. We thought they named it that because that’s how many people there were. Interesting.

8:57pm: Office intern Ashley says, “haha, the bar for immigration is so high I don’t know if my worthless ass would be able to get in if I was an immigrant”

9:03pm: Trump stopped at four pillars as to not draw any comparisons with Islam

9:05pm: God definitely didn’t say anything to this guy… right…? I mean cool dude and all but like… c’mon.

9:08pm: “Fully fund the military so it’s bigger than the next nine combined, not only the next seven combined as it is now”

9:11pm: Never Forget

9:12pm-9:13pm: Clapping

9:14pm: Trump plays Captain Hindsight for a bit

9:18pm: The US just made a whole lot more enemies

9:19pm: “And you get sanctions, and you get sanctions, and you get sanctions!”

9:23pm: North Korean defector stole beautiful clean coal to trade for food or something and now has a radio show. Sorry, we lost focus over here at APR. We’re playing Tiny Wings

9:27pm: Trump retells American history, forgets Native Americans

9:28pm: USA chant… for some reason…?

9:30pm: Trump ends speech, Dems storm out